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Acknowledging Fear

Well this weekend I would have been in New York with my son. Never could I have dreamed that we would be in our current situation. A worldwide pandemic. Seems unbelievable like a sci-fi movie.

I know I am like everyone....afraid. I'll just say it. I AM AFRAID. Afraid for the most vulnerable in my family, like my 81 year old mother and my 71 year old mother in law. I am afraid that this virus doesn't discriminate between the young or old. I am afraid that some people can contract it and recover while others suffer horrendous symptoms alone. They are alone. That scares me.


Visiting Mom at her retirement community.

We probably all know someone that this virus has touched and we wonder who else? All the while we go through our day, creating as much normalcy as we can. We have to do that. But it is not normal. This is not normal.

Despite the death and suffering, folks have been counting the silver linings and there are many. Hope. How can you not have it? This togetherness and time for reflection has brought some self actualization to the forefront. Silver linings. Here are mine...

I am spending lots of time with my children. My pets are super happy. We aren't eating out any more. (that doesn't mean we aren't eating a lot, because we are). We've gotten the kids bikes out and we hadn't done that in a few years. My husband and I are not as stressed from hectic schedules from balancing work and school events for the kids. (we are still stressed, but it is different, it's not as hectic).

But I am here today acknowledging the fear. Fear that is real. Fear that paralyzes me and causes my heart to speed up. Fear that creates anxiety in me. Fear that makes me sad. Fear that has me wondering worst case scenarios. Then I hunker down and resume my role as parent, provider and put together positive person. I hide the fear.

Things are going to be different when all this is over. They have to be. I can't imagine that my perspective will be the same about anything. I so desperately want to live.

I will book this trip again, not just for me and my son but for both of my children. New York I am praying for you. Friends I am praying for you. World I am praying for you.


My last trip to NYC

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